WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
