This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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