Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
