wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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