I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
