Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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