Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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