Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
