you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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