I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
