They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
