so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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