AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
