If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
