I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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