if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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