One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
