At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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