I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
