i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
worst night to have a conscience
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
