I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
