so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
