Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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