The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He shit in the fireplace
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
