Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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