Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
