Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
