I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
