I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
