I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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