I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
