Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want nice things and good sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
