I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
