You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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