Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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