Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
