and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
