She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
