The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
