I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
