i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
