If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Success! We fucked roommates!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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