I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
