We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're a waste of cheezeits
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
