and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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