you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
