I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
