tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
