I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
