My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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