I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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