two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
