shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
