Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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