what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
