ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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