the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
