he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
