You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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